Top 10...

It has been forever since I have written on here... Although no one probably reads this (because I don't really tell people about it), it gives me the perfect opportunity to vent. No judging.. no explaining, complaining or telling me why I am wrong. Tonight I had a lot on my mind, and couldn't help but think about all of the changes I want to make in my life. Well... some of them are not changes, but little things that I want to accomplish or do while I have the opportunity to do so. Having all of these things on my mind at once, was just way overwhelming. I kept thinking... why I am so stressed out about these things, when really I just need to start DOING them and marking them off of my list. Anyways, I thought that putting my ideas and goals in writing, or typing, would help me to solidify them. Here goes... 10 things that I want to start working on:

1. Set a date for moving.
2. Start studying for the GRE.
3. Get a tattoo.
4. Begin my career search.
5. Save $$$, as much as possible.
6. Lose 10 lbs and tone up.
7. Make and keep my room clean (seems trivial, but it is hard for me :p)
8. Learn not to rely on others... it usually never works out.
9. Improve my 3mile time.
10. Pay off my car.

And there you have them... my goals. Now every time I look at my blog I will remember what I need to and want to work on.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

I haven't used this in awhile...

but, for some odd reason I have a desire to write something tonight! Lately, I have been undergoing and planning some HUGE life changes. For one, I am planning on moving. Two, I am kind of finding out who my true friends are. And lastly, I am working my ass off trying to get myself where I really want to be. Call me crazy, I picked up a second job...although I am already working like 40 hours a week. Hopefully, this will help me move. Fingers are crossed!

Moving is a scary but super exciting adventure. I am currently saving every penny that I can, and although I am desperately afraid of going and failing, I think I need to do it. I need to get out on my own and prove to myself that I can do it. I might as well try to check off one more things on my list of what I want to do in life. Moving to California has always been on it. I guess if that does not work, I can always move to Vegas with one of my besties (who I will greatly miss). I just need to do something, and make a change. If anything I will learn from it. I know that if I don't... and try to just forget, I will regret it.

I am not sure what else to write. I still have so much more to say...but for now this is it.

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn? Well that's alright, because I like the way it hurts."

Blah Blah Blah.

Something has changed.

I can't quite put my finger on it. Is it my surroundings? Myself? I don't know. Although school and work are taking a toll on me at the moment, I have this feeling that everything will work out. I am anxious for what is ahead, and wish my life after school would come faster. It's funny how I say that now...

I will probably miss it when it is gone-- that is usually how things happen. Change can be a good thing though. It can be a very, very good thing. With the good comes bad, but I know that regardless, I could use a new change of pace.

What exactly does that mean? Exactly.

Frozen.

Do you ever feel like you wish you could just press pause.

Stop.

Have more time.

Relive those moments that you enjoy, and erase the ones that caused so much stress (ummm, finals....!?!?!?)

Right now, I just wish I could press pause. It is dead week... I have just finished 15 short essays, and still have yet to complete my 12 page paper. I have the basics done, and a couple pages, but distraction is getting the best of me.

I know one thing that could cheer me up.

Only 1 more week. Almost exactly... 1 week.

Sooner or later...

...it was bound to happen. Let's just say, I am disappointed. Just when you think anything can happen, it can also be taken away. That just means I am going to have to work harder, and do what I want...regardless of what people think because it really does not matter. It will just set you up for an even larger fall. Also, assumptions of others should not affect me since I know what I want and do not have to explain it to anyone.

I have a pit in my stomach...and am going to try to sleep it off.

Wow... this sounds so emo! Totally not trying to- I just have to get this off of my chest, and this is an outlet. Maybe I should have run it out at the gym instead. I am done even thinking about it!

I wish I was on a beach somewhere....

Wishing.

I wish I was here. No more rain and gray skies in Portland.
Today was a.m.a.z.i.n.g.
I got it!!!
So happy :) I am that much closer to graduation.

Mixed...

...feelings of excitement, anxiousness, and nervousness!!!

I hope tomorrow goes well. I want to be prepared and professional! It is definitely hitting me that I only have 1.5 terms left of school, and then a new chapter of my life is beginning. So exciting! Let's hope tomorrow goes smoothly... actually better than smoothly-- perfectly!

Fingers crossed.

=)

BTW, it is almost week 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I. Can't. Wait. California needs to hurry up. I want to fly down there just to scout out places, and to relax after graduation. We will see. Anyways, it is time for me to get ready for tomorrow's events.

Days off!

So something today sparked my interest. While I was in class, someone asked me... what are 3 hopes and 3 fears that you have about your life. This was just a 'get to know you' activity, but I had never really been asked straight out, to list these kinds of things. It sort of got me thinking. I mean, how am I going to tackle these things, if you don't even think about it. This is what I came up with.

Fears:
Not graduating on time. Not being able to move because of money. Losing connections with people that I care about after graduation.

Hopes:
Secure an internship or two. Move to California, like I have always wanted. Be happy and confident in my decisions.

Anyways, I just felt like getting that off of my chest. It was an interesting activity- the kind that you don't feel like doing at the beginning, but you learn something at the end. Hmmm, other than class, I had a really good day. I was pretty sleep deprived since I stayed up all night writing papers, but it didn't keep me down. Redbull & skinny hazelnut lattes were my heroes today =)

Tomorrow will be awesome since it is my day off and I decided that I should reward myself for all of my hard work and money saving. Maybe I will buy myself a new shirt, or shoes... or a movie! I have been dying to buy the Hangover and Across the Universe. Odd combo, right? We will see. But first, I want to start my day with a trip to the gym or a run to clear my head and relieve some stress.. yay!!

Cars, cars, cars!

....or lack thereof. Car shopping=frustrating... still no luck. On the bright side, I did apply to 3 internships today, which gives me a total of 5. I feel like there are soo many more out there, but I do not have enough time to apply to them all. I hope I get one.

Also... I think I decided I want to do something different with my hair. It is time to make a change, and something as small as changing my hair, will feel like a big step to a newer, different future! Hahaha... next one involves me moving, and finding a car, and taking the CNA class! Despite the difficulties and the stress that I am facing now, I remain optimistic and ready for the future! I feel like I say that every blog, but I think it is good to remind myself, since often we forget the good things and focus on what is negative. That brings me to my next point... I am going to put these in writing (oooorrr typing):

My goals for the next few months!!!! Let's make it spring term.
1. Save money (I have an amount in mind but it is a secret =) )
2. Keep working out-- lose 10 lbs, which will put me @ my goal weight!!!!
3. Contact CNA administrator
4. Secure 1-2 internships

Tis all for now.

Time to write my fabulous paper on consumerism and health care. Woot woot.

Surprise, surprise!

Today was a good day- I sent out several resumes for potential internship sites. I really hope I get one, so that I can graduate on time and hopefully move. I am seriously crossing my fingers!!

I am just ready for a change... although I appreciate what I have in Portland, it is getting semi-boring. This year will be the best year yet, I can feel it.

That is all for now... I am off to bed.

Until later...

Getting Started.

Today... let's see-

Hmmm....sooo making my blog look cool is harder than I thought. I have no idea what I am doing, or how to add backgrounds and stuff. Hopefully soon, it will like brighter, better and cheer-ier! Hahahaha. Today was a relaxed day- no school or work. I still have a ton to do though, as far has homework and car shopping go. I have my fingers crossed that everything will just sort of fall into place, but I guess I will see. When things get tough or stressful, I just need to think on the bright side, and look to the future. I skip forward to graduation, and imagine myself in California or somewhere new, full of opportunities and new adventures!!! Maybe I just need another vacation :) Well, it is time for me to go work out. Gym time!



Wish me luck!! =)

Beginnings...

This is my first blog... EVER! I am not totally sure what I want to write on here... but this will be a great place to get out my thoughts and ideas. Random ones I am sure- hence, my blog title =)

That is all for now.